I Finally Found Myself.

My photo
My name is Kirsten Boileau. I have no idea who I am. I lost myself along time ago, if you can even say it was myself I knew. This life I lead scares me and the life ahead scares me even more. I am really hard to figure out and I am too easy to say goodbye to. Some people say I change their lives, and I do, I ruin them. So it's best to never get to know me. I say I am complex but most of that is due to my Personality Disorders, not me myself. You will never know what I am thinking, because my mind is forever changing, as is my life. I might be here one day and leave the next. I'm a wanderer, so please step back and let me go. Because things never do really change, do they?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

When I see pictures of myself that I have taken, I see someone so beautiful it could make you skip a breath or two. But when I look in a mirror I hate the image I see. I want to take a knife and start cutting my face up. How could I see myself beautiful in a picture but in real life I see myself so ugly? Well I got ditched today for the forth time and and I felt horrible about myself and I'm thinking "Oh I am probably just too ugly they don't want to be seen with me". Which takes me back to looking in the mirror. Tonight I almost did it, I almost sliced my face up to see the real image I see. But I stopped and ran and got my dad. I sat down with him and broke down and told him everything and how I was feeling. He made me feel better. He helped me realize that that girl in those pictures are me. So I had to push the thought of me in the mirror to the back of my head. It's still so hard to live with this disorder but with small steps I can get better. As I see as a result today, I can do this.

I will do this.

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