I Finally Found Myself.

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My name is Kirsten Boileau. I have no idea who I am. I lost myself along time ago, if you can even say it was myself I knew. This life I lead scares me and the life ahead scares me even more. I am really hard to figure out and I am too easy to say goodbye to. Some people say I change their lives, and I do, I ruin them. So it's best to never get to know me. I say I am complex but most of that is due to my Personality Disorders, not me myself. You will never know what I am thinking, because my mind is forever changing, as is my life. I might be here one day and leave the next. I'm a wanderer, so please step back and let me go. Because things never do really change, do they?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Sunday, September 5, 2010 (Part 1)

Okay, I admit it. Last night I was a little over dramatic. But I was planning to kill myself. The was another sign and that was a cop car sitting in the place I wanted to do it. So I just went home. I told my parents last night that I am going to most likely die by my own hands. They took it pretty hard, but who's parents wouldn't? My Grandma is in the hospital, I saw her today. And man did it just make me feel worse inside. I am going down an ever lasting spiral, and I know I am the only one who can pull myself out, but I just don't know how. I didn't sleep at all last night, again. And surprisingly I had a Manic fit for about 2 hours. But I just crashed back into this low of lows. I fell asleep though at 3 and sleep somewhat well till now. Four hours.. that's not bad. Tonight I am just going to stay in tonight. I am not ready for the outside world again. For friends again. Last night was too much.

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